This weekend we took out our Christmas decorations. Decorating for Christmas has put Sam and I in a strange mood. Having the house set up for the holidays again reminded us of last year at this time. When we hung our three stockings by the chimney with care 12 months ago, we were already planning on where the fourth stocking would go. When we wrapped the presents for Laura we were already discussing buying presents for a baby again. Of course a couple of weeks after the decorations where up we learned we would not have a 7 month old in the house during the next holiday season. What followed in the next couple weeks was some of the worst times in my life. the memory of the grief I felt in those couple of weeks is still very clear, but I haven't thought about it much lately. It was astonishing how clear some of those feelings returned, by putting garland up on the mantel and bulbs on the tree we were reminded that a whole year has passed.
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